Relationship chameleonism (that’s a word now)

I’m a big fan of Slutever, and her new article was about the way that people change when they enter into a new relationship (LOL she makes Hamilton sound like a dick. I still love his docs, though.)

We always think of changing for someone as bad, but if it’s a positive change and one that you like, then obviously it’s a good thing. Dating someone means you like them, and if you find yourself wanting to be more like them in certain ways, there’s no reason that should be frowned upon. New interests and hobbies can arise when you spend most of your time with someone.

The only reason I even met my boyfriend is that we’re both in love with and devoted to rock and roll. It’s at the heart of our very personalities, so it sort of forms the foundation of our relationship. We get along because of it. But he has introduced me to other things that have become important to me, like Downton Abbey, and taking cabs sometimes. A goal of mine is to get him to enjoy being outside. These are good things.

And then there are big parts of our own lives that we’ll never be able to share with the other, and that’s okay too. For example, he has no desire to travel the world with me, and he refuses to eat the weirdass hippie vegan meals I tend to cook. On the other hand, I’ll never share even a fraction of his obsession with football, and I really have no strong desire to be English.

As long as we’re not changing solely for each other, but also for ourselves, I see no reason not to. We both make the right choices and don’t follow each other’s examples when we don’t want to. When he first moved in with me and he wasn’t drinking, I majorly cut down on drinking myself, and that was a definite plus. It was a serious change for me, and it wasn’t easy, but I was happy about it. Of course I’m back to full-blown alcoholism now, but such is life, and he doesn’t let me be a bad influence. Neither of us would ever let the other make bad choices on our own behalf.

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