It’s been such a good feeling spending time again with someone who was very important to me. My ex-boyfriend/lover/whatever contacted me after more than a year of being mostly out of touch, and I’m so happy we’ve been able to hang out and catch up. We had sort of an unofficial falling out some time after we split, and it always bothered me. For a while, our non-romantic relationship was, at best, awkward and confusing. At worst, it was hostile and unpleasant. Then it just completely ended. I didn’t feel good about that. Considering how happy we’d been before, together, it was troubling that we wouldn’t have some semblance of a friendship. Now, I don’t have to be troubled about that anymore.
Reconnecting is a strange feeling, but it’s comfortably familiar talking about the same old things, remembering the details I’d forgotten, and then learning what has changed. A lot has changed, for both of us, for the better.
Starting over has been interesting because we’ve already gotten to see each other’s bad sides, albeit from a distance, so we know what to expect of each other in that regard. He knows perfectly well by now that I’m hypersensitive, creepily obsessive, and just generally batshit crazy, and he accepts it. Not everyone gets that sort of foundation to start off on, and it’s helpful.
A song can always take you back to a special moment in time. When you hear it, you’re transported and you can relive the experience in your mind, so vividly sometimes. Among many others, “Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed” takes me back to our relationship. I was lying sideways across the bed, looking up at him over my head while he paced the floor behind me, serenading me with an acoustic guitar. All the words were so perfect and so true (aside from the obvious magazine cut-ups) like the song was meant for that moment. Just for us. I’ll never hear that song without recalling how special he made me feel right then. So now you could spend the morning talking with me, quite amazed…
I can listen to the songs that remind me of him–including his own songs–without feeling sad now. It feels nice again. Even though I don’t know where this is going this time, I like it. Realistically, it’s not possible to just pick up where we left off, because it was so long ago. Things are different. I’m pursuing a different lifestyle.
But, here we are, figuring stuff out. We lost each other once already. We’re not going to let it happen again.